woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
