Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
tell me about the fingering
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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