I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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