Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
