I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
no, he came in my armpit
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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