I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
