I wish I could teleport
My nipple is on Facebook.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize