She said her name was "party"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
