i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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