For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
