Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
