I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
