she woke up with a sticky ear
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
