69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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