I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize