Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
