They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
