it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
