You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
