He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
