guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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