24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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