Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
