The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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