isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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