Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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