that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
