"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
