Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
