I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
