Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Pants are for mortals
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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