there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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