Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
