so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
