I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize