I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
