hell yes lets make some ravioli
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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