Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize