We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
