A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize