i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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