We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
