Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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