even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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