He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
