Your tits are I can't wait for
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
