I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
