We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
