omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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