I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
