He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
