Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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