I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
