so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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