If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
