can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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