i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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