Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
