I seem to have left my pride at pride
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
