After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
