Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
