I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize