I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize