i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
