Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
