She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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