i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
