I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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